There’s Nothing Like a Dame. Oh yes there is! And, this festive season, Swindon’s Wyvern Theatre once again welcomes back everyone’s favourite dame, David Ashley, for his eleventh year. As he returns to the stage as Nurse Nellie Nurofenna Nightcap, David takes us through his typical day as the larger-than-life, fabulous star of the show, Sleeping Beauty.

Ah, the glamorous life of a pantomime dame. If you think it’s all glitter, adoring fans, and standing ovations, you’d be right. Except for the part where you can’t sit down under your eight layers of taffeta and wonder if your eyelashes will ever stay on…

11 AM – WAKE-UP CALL

My day starts the way it always does, reaching for the alarm clock in a groggy state and knocking over a small mountain of glitter pots. I know what you’re thinking… ‘That’s a late start.’ Well, my darlings,for you perhaps. But when you’ve tottered back to your digs at 10 PM in your 6-inch heels after a two-show day, trust me, you need your beauty sleep! You see, being a Pantomime Dame comprises more than acting. I need to be extra from the moment my foot hits the floor.

After a quick coffee (extra strong of course), it’s time to glue on my identity. You may think putting on false lashes this early is overkill, but when your career depends on outshining a fairy in a sparkly leotard, you can’t take any chances.

12 PM – READY FOR MY CLOSE-UP (Mr De Mille)

Arriving at the stage door, I sneak past my adoring fans waiting to get a glimpse of me. I do so using the clever disguise of a trench coat and dark sunglasses (to hide those exceptional lashes) and head to my dressing room. It’s time for the pièce de résistance… my face. The transformation from mere mortal to pantomime dame requires more foundation than you’d find in a new housing development. And enough lipstick to paint a fence.

12:30 PM – DRESS TO IMPRESS

Now comes the real challenge: squeezing myself into the first costume of the day. And please, let’s get this straight, these are NOT mere frocks. They’re architectural masterpieces. Today’s number is, in essence, a replica fountain with a full gushing water feature. Because nothing says ‘leading lady’ like dressing as your town’s most glamorous plumbing problem. There are ten more wild and wacky variations I’ll need to get into over the next two hours (I genuinely believe there should be an Olympic category for this!). Nothing says “comedy” like watching a grown man in flesh-coloured undies and a 48F padded bra shimmy into a giant Christmas pudding dress! Finally, comes the wig, the towering masterpiece, my crowning glory.

12:45 PM – AND SO, IT BEGINS

It’s a school show, and it’s noisy. And when I say noisy, imagine a stampede of elephants and that’s before the curtain even rises. But here I am, standing in the wings, waiting for my big entrance. After years of perfecting my craft, my one-liners are as sharp as my contouring, and I’m ready. Even an unexpected cream pie to the face won’t faze me – but I’ll get my revenge before the season is out! And I’m already scanning the auditorium for my latest ‘Dad’ victim in the front row to tease for the next two hours.

Before I step into the lights, I take a moment to ask myself the age-old question: ‘Will this be the year I trip and fall into the orchestra pit?’

1 PM – IT’S SHOWTIME!

As I step (or rather, ‘slide’ in my gushy water number) onto the stage, I’m greeted by a collective gasp from the audience. It could be awe. It could be fear. But it’s most likely the water feature. But as the lights hit my heavily made-up face, I feel the magic of pantomime flow through me. This is my moment to shine, or at least sparkle rather aggressively. I deliver a well-timed quip, wink at the audience like it’s my last night on Earth (I’m sure my ‘Dad’ victim winked back), and they love it. Or they’re confused. Either way, they laugh, and we’re off!

3:30 PM – TAKING MY BOW

By the time the final curtain falls, we’ve told the story, and we have a room full of excited children and happy families. Our job’s done. I’m a walking human snow globe of glitter, exhausted but exhilarated. There’s nothing quite like hearing 1,000 people, from ages 5 to 105, belly laughing together. But wait, it’s a two-show day…

7 PM –WE’LL HAVE TO DO IT AGAIN, WON’T WE?

After a quick break and a Pot Noodle (other brands are available). It’s back into the birdbath outfit for me for another whizz around panto land with a whole new load of panto friends. All ready to be whisked of to a fairytale land… THIS time will I get the prince?

9:30 PM – AND SO, TO BED

With the final show of the day over, as the excited chatter in the auditorium fades, I peel off the eyelashes that now feel like they’ve been glued to my soul, and finally take a breath. Another day done, another audience have made memories with their families.

And tomorrow? Tomorrow, it’s all good versus evil, and the eternal search for a lipstick that won’t disappear mid-performance.

Because in pantomime, darling, the show must go on. Even if your eyelashes don’t!

You can catch David in Sleeping Beauty from Sat 6 Dec 2025 – Sun 4 Jan 2026.

To book for the perfect family treat visit to find out more: https://trafalgartickets.com/wyvern-theatre-swindon/en-GB/event/pantomime/sleeping-beauty-tickets